Earlier on today I was taking Agbenu and Ofu to an activity. I was listening to a downloaded podcast from Focus on the Family entitled “Learning From History’s Great Men and Women.” The guest speaker was Eric Metaxas.

Soon Agbenu broke the silence by asking: “Dad is this KSBJ? (a contemporary Christian music radio station).

Me: “No.”

Agbenu: “Oh, ok.”

Me: “What made you ask?”

Agbenu: “The talk sounds like what they say on KSBJ.”

Me: “You’re right. I heard the talk for the first time on KSBJ, then I went to the website of speakers, and downloaded it.”

Agbenu: “Oh, ok.”

As we listened, in response to a question asked Eric Metaxas stated, “…If you are putting down one of the sexes, you are putting down the other sex…”

I peeped into the rearview mirror to see if the statement elicited any reaction from her. I was glad to notice a sort of flat affect. However, just when I thought that it had fizzled out nicely into space, she popped me the question:

“Dad, is sex the same as gender?”

I felt my gut rush into my mouth as she began to ask, but quickly broke into a masked and an extended sigh of relief when I heard “gender.”

Me: “Yes, it is. How did you know that?”

Agbenu: “Well, I’ve heard mom use sex to mean a boy or a girl. Also, the information on the screen says, ‘learning from history’s great men and women,’ they’ve been talking about men and women, so I just figured that gender could mean the same as sex when the man said something about one sex talking down the other. I just wanted to be sure. It also means boys should not talk girls down, and girls should not talk boys down, just like men and women. Right, dad?”

Me: “Exactly, Mama! I like how you listened carefully to figure out the answer. Excellent!”

Agbenu: “Hmm! Hmm!” (Her usual sound in response to affirmation).

Insights:

Firstly, we are clearly on our pathway to having “the talk!” Sweetheart and I are already talking about and exploring available resources to help us engage with our children.

Secondly, it is vital to keep the communication line open, and safe so they can freely share their thoughts.

Thirdly, it begs the question of what I’m listening to and exposing my children to. Some years ago, I was driving with my kids, and listening to a 90’s hip-hop song when Oche said, “Dad, I know you like this song, but I just heard them use a curse word.” I was surprised that we grasped the fine details of the song while I didn’t. I apologized and explained that I never paid attention to the words of the song and that for me, it was all about the rhythm and beats. I further explained that I use it to reminisce about my friends and the good times we had in our younger years. Nevertheless, I changed the music because if we are trying to teach and encourage decency in our kids on one hand, but on the other expose them to inappropriate influence (consciously or unconsciously) then it all amounts to a wasted effort.

I’m so glad that they are inquisitive, and respectfully seek clarification where they don’t understand the thinking behind the context. It helps me to be accountable for my actions. Amongst, others I’m called to provide moral leadership for my family, and with that comes the responsibility of accountability. The bottom line is I may not have answers to all of their questions, but I can ensure that we continue to have a safe platform for dialogue, where we can explore life’s issues together.

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

Hebrews 4: 16.

• March 31, 2018