Please recall my previous post titled “I’m About To Break My Children’s Hearts.”

This one is a 3-part post.

Part One

Today, Joy, my sister-in-law, and I had a brunch “play date.” This is the time she and I meet up for family support talks, share recipes, and have fun. I was in the kitchen making us my new formula toast sandwich when Agbenu charged in from the game room crying and said:

“Dad, Santa isn’t real! Why did you have to lie to me?”

As she wailed on and tried to walk away, I held and hugged her in silence. I was speechless and couldn’t find consolation for her. She was heartbroken indeed. It was just two days ago that I wrote the previous post. How did she find out so soon? Did I not close the window on the computer? What happened? I asked myself in quick succession. I wasn’t fully prepared for the conversation about the realness of Santa, although I was already anticipating and contemplating it.

As she gently broke away, Oche, who watched from a distance, called and took her to my bedroom for a chat. I made eye contact with him, as he led her on with his arm over her shoulders. She was still sobbing. I nodded an acknowledgment to him and he responded with the same, as I whispered “God bless you, son.” He just has a way of stepping in to help me and Sweetheart, whenever we are in a situation with his siblings.

When they came back out, Agbenu had stopped crying. On her way back to the game room, I said: “Mama, we will talk about it later. Ok?”

Agbenu: “Ok.”

Oche was now taking out our trash and I caught up with him in the garage.

Me: “Thank you, so much for stepping up. I didn’t know what to tell her because I have not figured it out yet. What did you tell her?”

Oche: “Well, basically I just calmed her and told her that I understand how she feels. I told her how I felt that way four years ago when I camped on the stairs and, saw you and mom putting our gifts under the Christmas tree but just decided to let go. I told her that I didn’t tell you and mom until the next Christmas and that I won’t be sending Santa’s wish list. I told her that I didn’t want to spoil the fun of Santa for her and Ofu, so I’ve just been playing along for the last two years. I told her that every child feels disappointed when they eventually find out that Santa isn’t real and that it’s just a part of childhood fun and so not to be too hard on herself and you. Basically, that’s it.”

Me: “That was so good, thank you so much. You always know how to help me and mom when we are in situations.”

Oche: “You’re welcome, dad.” (He smiled and nodded in agreement)

Me: “How did she find out?”

Oche: “On the computer.”

Me: “Oh man! I thought I closed the window. What about Ofu?”

Oche: “He just said, ‘that can’t be true’ and continued with his game. So, he doesn’t know yet.”

Me: “I’ll tell him when I talk with Mama.”

Oche: “No, I think we shouldn’t spoil it for him. Let him enjoy the fun until he finds out for himself.”

Me: “That means I’ll have to reply to his letter as before.”

Oche: “Yes.”

Me: “Ok, thanks.”

Oche: “You’re welcome, dad.”

Hmm, kids have good resilience indeed. Agbenu soon went about her business but checked with me intermittently to see when we would talk.

After my sister-in-law left, finally it was our time.

Me: “Mama, first, let me apologize for what looks like a deception all these years. That wasn’t my intention and I can explain. But before that, can you tell me how you feel?”

Agbenu: “I feel lied to, disappointed, and betrayed.”

Me: “I can imagine. Again, I’m so sorry about it. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Agbenu: “That’s ok.”

Me: “Thank you. So, how did you find out?”

Agbenu: “As soon as I got on the internet, a notification from your website popped up on the screen. It said, ‘I’m About To Break My Children’s Hearts.’ So, I clicked on it and read it.”

Me: “Ohh… the ‘OneSignal Push Notification.’ It alerts subscribers of my latest blog, the first time they go on the internet after I post it.”

Although her demeanor was still downcast, her forgivingness was palpable. It was necessary for me to give her the opportunity to express her feelings and to acknowledge them. More so, it will encourage her to express her negative feelings easily and respectfully in the future without fear of being discredited.

Me: “See, most children experience the same fantasy of Santa Claus just as you did. Whenever it comes to an end it hurts just like you are hurting. It is like a fiction story. Some have a happy ending, while others don’t, but we still enjoy them and learn lessons from them. Right?”

Agbenu: “Mhm…”

Me: “And for the ones with happy endings, we wish that they would continue when they end, like sweet dreams, but they don’t. Right?”

Agbenu: “Mhm…”

Me: “Then we just move on gradually and happily. Right?”

Agbenu: “Mhm…” (Nodding)

Me: “Here’s the good thing.” (Her face lit up in excitement.) It shows that you have grown past that stage of life, and now you get to become a member of the Santa Team for younger children. Isn’t that good?”

Agbenu: Yes.” (Smiling).

Me: “Now, imagine that Santa did not reply to your first letter. How would you have felt?”

Agbenu: “I would have felt very sad.”

Me: “That’s true. And it would have robbed you a part of your childhood fantasy. That’s why I started replying as Santa. See, every year that I write back, I do some research to make sure that I don’t repeat what I wrote in previous years, and I do the same for Ofu. The year Oche wrote with you and Ofu, I did separate research for him although he had already found the truth about Santa the previous year.”

Agbenu: “Yeah, he said so.”

Me: “Good. I was so glad that he explained it to you. He handled it differently when he found out. Yet he played along with you and Ofu so you can enjoy the excitement.”

Agbenu: “Mhm.”

Me: “So you see the amount of effort that I put in. But I’m not complaining, I loved doing it because I also enjoyed it. Since you already know, would you still want me to reply from Santa this year?”

Agbenu: “Yes.”

Me: “Ok. I’ll write two letters, one will be Santa’s reply and the second one will directly be from me.”

Agbenu: “Thanks, dad. I love you.”

Hug.

Me: “I love you too. Do you feel better?”

Agbenu: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m happy… Yeah, would you still like to read it out so I can make a video?”

Agbenu: “No, but I’ll pretend that I didn’t know it’s from you, so Ofu can enjoy it.”

Me: “Not, a problem. I just wanted to make sure.” (It was a relief for too.)

Agbenu: “Even though I now know that it’s you, I will still love to get a reply from Santa.”

Me: “That is so sweet of you, Mama.”

Hug.

I believe that the purest form of joy is found in children. I think Jesus, the master storyteller also puts it like this:

Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.

Mark 10:15.

• 12/5/20

Part Two

The next day, we did a little church activity, in which we completed a questionnaire on family Christmas traditions and to indicate the most favorite of them. I was so pleased that Agbenu answered “writing letters to Santa Claus,” even though she knew the obvious. Although the exercise was an icebreaker to help us to place Christ as the number one priority at Christmas, it gave us additional joy that our letters to Santa stood out for her. We have been able to make pleasant memories that will last for a long time.

To cap our joy, we decided to watch The Christmas Chronicles. We planned to watch it during the Thanksgiving break but couldn’t. I’m glad that we didn’t watch then until now, the timing and the storyline were just right for us. At the end I asked her:

“Aren’t you glad that we couldn’t watch it during the Thanksgiving break?”

Agbenu: “Yes,” (she smiled and cuddled into me).

Me: “You know what?”

Agbenu: “What?”

Me: “Even though we know what we know now about Santa, we are “True Believers!”

Agbenu: “Mhm. I love you, daddy.”

Me: “I love you too, Mama.”

• 12/6/20

Part Three

Agbenu and Ofu maintained their excitement and anticipation of Santa’s reply. They kept checking our mailbox frequently. During the waiting Agbenu said to me again:

“Dad, even though I know it’s you, I’m still excited about getting a reply from Santa. Also, I can’t wait to read the letter from you.”

Me: “You are such a sweet child. The letters are coming!” (Smiling)

Agbenu: “Mhm.”

Finally, the day came, and they found Santa’s reply in our mailbox! They were thrilled, and Agbenu was as usual. She did a good job of acting so that Ofu can enjoy his fantasy.

Me: “Mama, would you like to read it so I can do a video of you?”

Agbenu: “No. I’m good” (smiling).

Me: “That’s ok. Ofu, what about you?”

Ofu: “No, I don’t want to do it this year. I just want to read it to myself. I’ll make a video next year.”

Me: “Ok. That sounds good too. Enjoy reading your Santa’s reply. Tell me about it when you’re done.”

Agbenu and Ofu: “Ok.”

As I excused myself away from them while they read their letters, I couldn’t help but admire the joy in their facial expressions. On the other hand, I was glad that Ofu declined to be recorded because I was also ready for a break. However, I won’t change a thing about our five-year fantasy of letters to and from Santa Claus. Parenting is exhausting, but the rewards are immeasurable. I’m grateful to God for enabling me to be present and use the free resources at my disposal to help create a memorable childhood experience for the precious gifts He entrusted to my care. And, yes, I’ll do it again if there’s a repeat!

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!

Luke 11:13.

• 12/20/20