Sweetheart had an early morning appointment, so she woke early and left. So, I did morning devotions by myself and, this is not unusual depending on our schedules. When I get home from work very late at night, I tend to sleep a little longer into the morning if I don’t have an early appointment. If Sweetheart has an early appointment on one of those mornings then, I get to do morning devotions by myself and vice versa. So, I say all that just to say Sweetheart and I pray together, but it’s not always possible. Okay (laugh).

So after my morning devotion, I went ahead and made our bed. It’s a treat for Sweetheart; every time I get a chance to make our bed. She loves well-made beds, and she says she likes the finesse and precision with which I make our bed. Well, for me, that’s an itsy-bitsy thing to impress my woman with, so why not!

So, while I prayed and afterward made our bed, our children woke up and were in the kitchen. I overheard them discussing the breakfast options to make for themselves. So, I came out, and we exchanged greetings. Still, in the excitement of seeing each other, I said:

“Hey, guys, I need to show you something in my room real quick.”

They followed me in enthusiasm, and as we entered our bedroom, I gestured to our bed and exclaimed:

“Ta-da! I made our bed!”

John: “Ok.”

Agbenu: “Oh wow! It’s pretty!”

Ofu: “Is that it?”

Me: “Thank you, Mama! Yeah, that’s it, Ofu. We can now go back to the kitchen.” (I said with humor)

Agbenu: “Wait! So you just took us to your room to show us your bed that you made?”

Me: “Yes, isn’t that cool?”

Agbenu: “Yeah, I know but…” (smiled in mischief)

I smiled back and said:

“Well, then, what are you guys going to do with it? You can take what you’ve seen and apply it in your rooms.”

Then we all started laughing.

John: “I knew it! I knew that there was a lesson to it! You couldn’t have just shown us your nicely made bed without a lesson for us.”

Still laughing.

Me: “Well, isn’t that a more polite way to remind you guys than telling you what to do? If I had told you to go and fix your room like mom and I would normally do, I’m sure your faces would be frowned by now.”

Agbenu: “I kind of suspect but, eh… (smiling and making a so-so gesture)

John: “Ok, fa-ther! We’ll take care of our rooms but let’s have breakfast first.”

Me: “Sure! We already have a deal!”

I smiled, walked back to my room, and nodded in agreement with the advice of parenting experts that parents should not start an argument with their children if they can’t win it. No single approach to parenting approach applies to all situations. It’s easier to storm our children with only the truth than to gracefully tell them the truth. I am learning (more and more) that, to communicate training or discipline to my children effectively, I must maintain a thriving relationship with them. One way of doing so is to gently communicate the truth to them so they can own and respond favorably to it. Also, if I’m pointing them in the right direction, then I must also be going in that direction. I must lead by example and practice what I preach. That is the moral behind this episode. I value relationship over performance, and that’s one of my fatherhood philosophies. I am confident that the wisdom and teachings that we, parents, impart in our children will surely take root. My father shared several wisdom nuggets with me while I was growing up. Some of them didn’t apply immediately. However, as an adult, his pearls of wisdom help me make the right decisions and problem-solve. Sometimes, our need for immediate gratification can drive us to act irrationally with our children. I’m happy that my message of today was well-received by my children without friction and, hopefully, they are committed to it.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

1 John 3:18

• 8/20/2021