This is one of those times that, as a parent, I do more of the talking. Sweetheart and I were going to drop John off at his First Homecoming. Sweetheart had earlier “occupied the passenger seat” and said this final pep talk (if you like) will be mine to handle. So, I took the driver seat and began:

“Remember all our conversations about relationships with girls. The number one thing they need from a guy is protection. Do not do anything that will disrespect her (his date).”

“Do not accept any drinks, food, or substance from anybody. Only drink and eat what has been provided by the organizers.”

John: “Yeah. They won’t let us bring anything inside, except for our ID badge.”

“Respect her (his date) boundary. Respect everyone’s boundaries. Protect your boundary. Even as you won’t do anything that will make her uncomfortable or make others uncomfortable, do not allow her or anyone to make you do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Just say, “I’m uncomfortable with it.” And you don’t have to explain why you are uncomfortable with it. Just stand your ground, and you’ll be alright.”

Earlier in the preparation, he picked out his outfit, wanting to look formal. Thanks to Sweetheart, who drove him from one store to the other while they sent me pictures. I reminded him how a couple of years ago, he would rather not have an outfit like this, describing it as “church clothes,” but now wanting it most formally.

Lesson One: There’s a place and time for everything. We grow and mature then we begin to appreciate what older people value.

John bore his mind with Sweetheart and me about how he asked out the girl who became his date. He also checked with us about how he and his friend talked about getting gifts for their dates. We discussed it, and he came up with his choice of gift for her.

Later I taught him how to knot a tie and how to carry himself. Once he was all dressed up, Sweetheart and I poured compliments on him.

Me: “What you are doing is learning the right way to impress a lady. Most importantly, have fun!”

As we arrived at the venue of the event, he thanked Sweetheart and me. Then I walked him to his designated entrance. I was wearing a t-shirt, combat shorts, a face cap, and crocs. Then I jokingly said:

“Are you embarrassed by my walking you to the gate? I’m not all dressed up.”

John: “No! If anything, I’m glad that you came because it’s my first date.”

Me: “Thank you! You look really good! Let me take a picture of you before you go. Have fun!”

John: “Thanks, Dad!” And off he went.

When we picked him up at the end of the party, he excitedly shared the fun he had with us. His date liked the gift. Both of them and their other friends had a great time, it was obvious: his tie and jacket were off. After the initial protocols they loosened up to enjoy a more relaxing time, he explained.

Lesson Two: Friends, I don’t know about you, but when I and my contemporaries were growing up, our parents forbade us to make friends with the opposite gender. We were strictly warned to focus solely on our academics. What we were not taught was how to stay focused. There was the influence of the opposite genders all around us. Beautiful girls and handsome guys of assorted shades abounded. Now, the only tool handed to us was the rule of “THOU SHALL NOT…!” You will agree with me that, that approach was ineffective, as we become more curious and found ways around it. In the process, so many of us made poor choices because of the lack of safety for us to discuss this real but frowned-at emotion.

The truth is there is no such thing as “focusing strictly on academics.” The stuff that causes distractions goes hand-in-hand during our academic years and throughout our lifetime. I believe that we parents should be teaching our children how to deal with distractions as they pursue their goals. In this case, it’s a part of learning how to safely relate with girls. It’s a given that they will either learn how to be in a relationship with the opposite gender or they won’t, and remain a novice in adulthood. If we don’t teach them, someone else will; and let’s pray that, that someone is a good influence. So let’s stay engaged to teach them the right way. For John, the mission of how to impress a lady begins.

Again, I refer to Genesis 2:24.

Therefore shall a MAN leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Genesis 2:24.

The ultimate goal is that by the time my sons (and your sons too, my friends) leave us, their parents, they should be developed into well-rounded men! This is an ongoing conversation. In other previous conversations, we talked about leading and taking ownership of responsibilities as qualities of an “effective” man.

We don’t want our sons launching out only to begin groping for true masculinity. We want them to launch effectively into adulthood and independence with the full awareness of the responsibilities of authentic manhood. 

• 9/25/2021