As I sat with Ofu this morning, waiting to head out to the bus stop, we conversed about how yesterday went. We didn’t get the chance to talk yesterday when I called home to find out about their day.

Me: “How was school yesterday?”

Ofu: “Good.”

Me: “That’s good. Any issues?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: “What happened?”

Ofu: “I gave a compliment to someone yesterday, and he got offended, and then threw his glasses away. I was reported to my teacher, and she tried to email mom, but it didn’t go through.”

Me: “What did you say?”

Ofu: “He was wearing black shoes, and I said, ‘I like your black airforce,’ then he got offended. I tried to explain to him that it was a compliment, but he was still upset, and I got reported to our teacher. I tried to explain to her too, but she didn’t get it. She emailed mom, but it didn’t go through.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. So how exactly did it make you feel?”

Ofu: “Sad.”

Me: “I can imagine. That was a misunderstood compliment. He didn’t get it.”

Ofu: “No, dad, I think he doesn’t know what a compliment is.”

Me: “Sometimes, people are hurting from something that happened to them from their past that we do not know. So even when you say or do something nice to them and; it reminds them of their hurt, they can start hurting afresh. Then it will look like we just hurt them. Do you get it?

Ofu: “Yes, but I didn’t mean to hurt him. It was a compliment that people say all the time. That’s why I think he doesn’t know what a compliment is.”

Me: “Son, compliments are good, and I am glad you pay compliments. I want you to keep doing so. Ok?”

Ofu: “Ok.”

Me: “Are you scared that it might happen again?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: “I know. All you can do is apologize just like you did. So, let me teach you how you can safely pay compliments. The main thing is to use standard English that everyone can understand. That way, you don’t need to explain your compliment. I didn’t know what ‘black airforce’ meant until you explained it to mean a compliment. You can say, ‘I like your shoes,’ ‘your shoes look good on you,’ or ‘those are cool shoes,’ and you can use those for anything you like about them. Do think someone can easily be offended if you gave them such a clear compliment?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “Good. Not everyone will understand the cool languages we use, so let’s try and keep it with those who can understand it and use standard English for everyone else, at least until we know them enough to speak cool languages with them. Got it?”

Ofu: “Yeah.”

Me: “Awesome! Guess what?”

Ofu: “What?”

Me: “I have a blog story about this conversation we just had.”

Ofu: “Wait. Has it happened to you?”

Me: “I have experienced it in some way, and it happens all the time, and that’s why I decided to write the story. It’s called ‘The 5W’s and 1H of Good Intentions.‘ (Click on the title or here to read it).

I showed him the blog section about communicating our good intentions to achieve the effect and avoid miscommunication.

Me: “How do you like it?”

Ofu: “It’s good, daddy.”

Me: “Thank you. How are you feeling now?”

Ofu: “I feel good.”

Me: “Awesome. If your teacher emails mom, we’ll take it up from there. If not, don’t worry about it. Put it behind you and go about your business normally.”

Ofu: “Thanks, dad!”

Me: “You’re welcome; I got you.”

Recently I was exposed to the concept of having a conversation about how to communicate about different situations. What a joy to apply it with my son today. One final thought: every knowledge and experience counts, and as the opportunity presents itself let us be prepared to recall and apply them.

• 9/13/22