Our doorbell rings. Oche checks to see. It’s our daughter’s friend. She asks, “Please can Agbenu come outside to play?”

From the game room, in a melodious tone, Ofu yells out “she’s pooping!”

Agbenu’s Friend: “Oh, ok, I’ll come back later.”

Once she left, we made to speak with Ofu but Oche said, “mom, dad I got this!”

Oche: “Ofu, come here!”

Ofu arrives. Oche looks into his eyes, with both hands on his shoulders. Ofu looks back with a mischievous smile.

Oche: “Why did you say that? What was that for? What happened to saying ‘she needs privacy’ like we normally say? That’s what we say when someone is using the restroom. Remember we don’t use potty words.”

Ofu: (nods in agreement, as Agbenu, appears on the scene)

Oche: “Now, go and apologize to mama for embarrassing her.”

Ofu: “Sorry Mama.”

Agbenu: “For what?”

Oche: (Narrates the story)

Agbenu: “Oh, that’s ok. I’m not embarrassed, after all everyone poops. And yes, Ofu no using potty words, because what you said can hurt some people.”

Me: “Oche, good job of taking charge of the situation and correcting Ofu.
Ofu, good job of apologizing to mama. Mama, I’m happy that you were not embarrassed or offended. That’s a great attitude because you can’t control how people will treat you but you can control how you react to them. Keep it up, guys! Group hug!” (We all entangled in one big hug.)

From what set out to be an embarrassing scenario, it was most rewarding to see Oche use his leadership skills, and the positive attitudes displayed by Agbenu and Ofu. For us, being students of parenthood continues.
As parents, it’s so easy to swoop in and fix problems for our children. Sometimes it is better to hold back and let them, within safety limits, learn through overcoming challenges by themselves. Life is lined up with occasional setbacks, and the earlier they become exposed to effective coping, the better they’ll be equipped to deal with crises much later.

• 2/11/18