Recently I discovered a sauce as a byproduct of one of my recipes. It was so good that we all agreed for me to make it on a larger scale. This evening, I did, and it turned out to be even better than the initial one.

Well, after I was done with cooking, I decided to do the dishes and to communicate something to my kids.

Me: “Oche, Mama.”

Oche: “Yes, dad.”

Agbenu (Mama): “Yes, sir.”

Me: “I know that you have your schedules for who does the dishes but sometimes you should also try and clean up even when it’s not your turn. I could have easily said, ‘I just cooked so someone else should do the dishes’, then left them.”

Oche: (Remorseful)

Agbenu: “Do you have to do them?”

Me: “No. But someone’s got to do it.”

Agbenu: “But do you feel like doing it though?”

Me: “It’s not about feeling like it. It needs to be, and someone has to do it. See, sometimes, I wake at 4 o’clock in the morning so I can get ready for work. Do I want to? No, but I have to. Sometimes you don’t feel like waking up to prepare for school, but you still do. So when a task must be done, and we start asking if we feel like doing it, then we can get discouraged and we can end up not doing it or it can feel more difficult to do.”

Agbenu: “Oh ok.”

Me: “So let’s clean up after ourselves as soon as possible, in the kitchen, in your rooms. It’s a good habit to form. Those who don’t, end up becoming dirty people.”

Oche: (Shocked 😯) “Dad, they’re not dirty people. When you call them dirty people, it sounds like they are bad people.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think dirty and bad necessarily mean the same. Ok, let me say it in a different way – they become people with dirty habits.”

Oche: “Yes!”

Wait a minute, I thought. Is he implying the concept of people-first language?

Me: “Have you heard about people-first language?”

Oche: “Yes, in school.”

Me: “Tell me about it.”

Oche: “We are taught not call people with disabilities ‘disabled people’ because they can still do something.”

Me: “Oh wow! That is so good!”

Oche: “Mm-hmm. It helps students with disabilities to feel confident in themselves.”

Me: “Oh wow! That is so good! Y’all keep it up! So was that what you meant when I said, dirty people?”

Oche: “Yes.”

Me: “Hmm! Now I get it. But did you also get what I meant?”

Oche: “Yes.”

Me: “So let’s stick with it!”

Oche: “Ok.”

I give him the credit for applying his knowledge and for sustaining the courage to always hold me accountable, even if out of context. Funny how the insights of our engagements stem from, sometimes the most unlikely theme. Usually, if I’m able to hold my fire and listen actively without jumping into or remaining in teaching mode 😂 then a good outcome follows.

• 1/25/19