On the Sundays that I work, I attend the 9 AM Mass alone before heading to work, while my family attends the 11 AM service. Recently, Ofu indicated that he would be going with me, and occasionally Oche would join us.

This morning I went to the 9 AM Mass alone. I didn’t wake Ofu up to go with me because I suspected that he would drag us late because he was still awake at midnight last night. So I left him behind to sleep so he can attend the 11 AM service with the rest of the family.

As I walked to my car at the end of Mass, I received a call from Sweetheart, pleading with me to hurry home. Ofu was throwing a feat because he didn’t go to church with me. He wasn’t getting ready to go with them but was bent on meeting up with me in church. So, it was an SOS call before things got out of control and they were going to run late. She had already called eleven times but my phone was on silence.

So, I made it back home as fast as I could. They were all ready except for Ofu. Sweetheart was stressed out. Normally, they would have left by the time I returned but for this drama. Already behind time, they left hurriedly without Ofu. Now he was calm and it was time for “The Talk.”

Me: “Now, tell me what happened?”

Ofu: “I wanted to go to church with you but you left me and mom won’t bring me over.”

Me: “Then what happened?”

Ofu: “Then I got upset.”

Me: “So, what happened, next?”

Ofu: (Silence)

Me: “Was that why you threw stuff all over the floor?'”

Ofu: (Still silent but now looking remorseful)

Me: “Ok, you have to pick them up and arrange them before we continue. When you’re done, meet me in my bedroom.”

Now, relationship experts recommend that emotions should be acknowledged and dealt with initially in crisis situations. If there’s an exception to every rule, then this is one that I judge so. Clearly, that was an unacceptable behavior that need not be enabled. There’s no crisis at this time, so, asking Ofu to pick up the litter he created before continuing with the talk was my best judgment.

After he was through, he came in and stood silently.

Me: “Have you picked up everything and arranged them?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: “So, what made you so upset that you behaved like that?”

Ofu: “I wanted to go to church with you but you left me and mom won’t bring me?”

Me: “I’m sorry that I left you. Remember that you’re not a morning person and you were supposed to go to bed on time on Saturday night, so you can wake up on time to go with me.” (See the post “Dad, I’m Just Not A Morning Person…”)

Ofu: (Silent)

Me: “Didn’t we agree on that?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: Good. When I got back last night, you were still awake at almost midnight. So, this morning I didn’t want to be late for church if you dragged to wake up and that’s why I went without you. I thought you would go with mom, Oche, and Mama like before. Do think that, that was appropriate behavior, even though you were upset?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “Do you think people will want to be with you if you behave like that?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “Exactly, like now. They’ve gone to church and you’re all by yourself. Do you like that?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “That’s a consequence of that type of behavior. Another one is that you get to lose your privileges. What do you think can happen if behave like that outside in the community?”

Ofu: “You will be arrested by the cop.”

Me: “Exactly. What else can happen?”

Ofu: “Thrown into jail.”

Me: “Is that what you want?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “So, if you won’t behave inappropriately in the community, then don’t behave so at home. Home is where you should learn to behave appropriately. There’s a right way to behave even when you’re upset. The way an eight-year-old kid should behave when he’s upset should be different from how a two-year-old should behave? Now, do you think you behaved like an eight-year-old boy when you were upset this morning?”

Ofu: (Silent and remorseful)

Me: “Now, mom, Oche and mama are late for church, you have missed going to church today, and I’m going to be running late for work because I have to watch you until they return.”

Ofu: “I’m sorry, dad.”

Now, he’s reached his breaking point and realized the implications of his action. No further drilling needed.

Me: “That’s ok. You should also apologize to mom and say it like you mean it. Don’t apologize because you want something.”

Ofu: “Ok.”

Me: “Now, I want to take a nap. What do you want to do?”

Ofu: “Watch TV.”

He went on to watch TV while I took a nap. Fast forward: Sweetheart, Oche and Agbenu returned from church. Ofu hugged them and apologized, then I left hurriedly for work.

I took an alternate route because Sweetheart had alerted me to traffic congestion on the freeway due to roadworks. I was listening to and praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.

I had just driven past the gate of a subdivision when suddenly I noticed the reflection of the flashing red and blue light bar! Oh my God, I thought. It was the cop! I turned on my hazard light, slowed down until I found a safe place to park.

As the officer pulled behind me and went ahead with the pre-questioning procedure, I reduced the volume of my Divine Mercy prayer, brought out and placed over my dashboard my driver’s license and vehicle insurance. Then, I wound down my side glass, placed my hands open to vision on my steering wheel, continued with my prayer and waited patiently for his arrival.

Officer arrived, we exchanged greetings and he requested for my driver’s license and vehicle insurance, which I readily handed over.

Officer: “Do you know why you were pulled over?”

Me: “I probably went over the speed limit.”

Officer: “Correct!

Then he explained that it was a 40 mph zone but that I was driving at x mph over the speed limit.

Me: “I’m sorry, officer. I’m a nurse and I work outside Houston. Normally, I would use the 290 freeway but I’m using this route to avoid the congestion on 290 because of the roadworks. I didn’t realize that I had gone over the speed limit.”

Officer: “Do live in this area?”

Me: “No, officer. I live in…”

Officer: “And you’re a nurse?”

Me: “Yes, officer.”

Officer: “Can I see your work ID?”

I gave him my ID bag and he went back to his car with my documents. Then a call came from home.

Me: “Hello!”

It was Agbenu. “Hi, dad!”

Me: “Are you ok?”

Agbenu: “Yep!”

Me: “Is everyone else ok?”

Agbenu: “Yep!”

Me: “Good. Please can I call you back? I’m dealing with something urgent right now.”

Agbenu: “Ok dad, bye.”

Officer returns with my documents and said:

“This is a warning, not a ticket. You’re free to go now. Please drive safely.”

That was it? I thought to myself and smiled in relief.

Me: “Thank you, officer.”

He acknowledged with a nod, smiled back and walked away to his car.

I’m going to back up here a little bit. On my “About Me” page, I mentioned that all of life’s occurrences are likely explainable if you apply your belief system or school of thought. Now, I believe it was God’s mercy and forgiveness at work that I was issued a warning instead of a speed ticket. You may agree or disagree with me and that’s ok. However, that is my belief.

So, back to the now. The alternate route was also getting congested as more traffic diverted to it. I called Agbenu back once I resumed my drive. After we exchanged pleasantries, she asked:

“Dad, if you don’t mind me asking, what was so urgent?”

“…that you couldn’t talk to me.” I completed her question in my mind.

Me: “I got pulled over by the cop.”

Agbenu: “What? Guys, daddy got pulled over by the cop!”

I heard Oche and Ofu running to Agbenu from the game room. “What!” They said one after the other.

Me: “Mama, put the phone on speaker.”

Agbenu: “It’s on speaker.”

Oche: “Dad, are you ok?”

Me: “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”

“Thank God!” “Aah!” They exclaimed in relief.

Agbenu: “Tell us what happened.”

Me: “I went over the speed limit.”

Agbenu: “You did?”

Me: “Yeah! You know how I was already running late because of all that happened this morning…”

Oche: “So, what happened?”

Then, I narrated my experience.

Agbenu: “I’m so sorry, dad.”

Oche and Ofu: “Sorry, dad.”

Me: “Thank you, my children, for caring so much about me. I’m fine. The good news is that the cop didn’t give me a ticket, he gave me a warning.”

All Three: “Yeah!!!”

Me: “See, a lot of good things happened. First, I was praying my Divine Mercy prayer before I was pulled over, and I continued quietly until it was over. So, God heard my prayer and I wasn’t given a ticket. Two, I apologized to the officer. Three, I respected the officer. Four, I was polite to him throughout. Now, what do you think would have happened to me if I was rude and acted out?”

Oche: “Arrested.”

Me: “Yes, or maybe shot if the officer felt threatened.”

Agbenu: “That would have been bad.”

Me: “Mmhmm. Ofu, do you remember what we talked about this morning?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: “So, do you see why it is nice to be nice, polite and not act out?”

Ofu: “Yes. I’m sorry, dad.”

Me: “That’s ok. Alright, children, I’m fine and I hope we all learned a lesson from all that happened today.”

All Three: “Yes.”

Me: “Good. So, Mama what did you originally call me for?”

“Bye, dad.” “Bye.” Oche and Ofu said in the background as they left Agbenu to continue with me.

Me: “Be good, boys!”

Oche and Ofu: “Okay.”

Agbenu: “Oh yeah!” (Filled with excitement) “I wanted to ask if we still have the seasoning that you mixed the last time that you baked chicken. But that is nothing compared to what you just went through. I’m so glad that you are ok.”

Me: “Oh, thank you, Mama. You’re such an awesome daughter. I think there should still be some of the seasoning left. Check in the cupboard.”

Agbenu: “Let me see… Is that it in the jar with the snap lock?”

Me: “Yes.”

Agbenu: “Thanks, dad.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Now, let me speak with mom.”

Then I caught up with Sweetheart and told her my story and received encouragement from her.

Today’s experience was packed with so many lessons for me and my family, as can be figured. I remember that one of my cousins said he doesn’t lose, rather he considers what others consider as a loss to be the price of learning a lesson. That’s exactly how I feel about my experience today. My being pulled over by the cop gave me a tangible illustration of the lessons that I shared with my children today. I sum them as follows:

• God listens when we pray
• There’s a right way to express grievances even if justified
• When you’re apologetic about your wrongdoing, polite and respectful, the outcome may turn in your favor

It was insightful to us a family and I believe we will draw from the lessons for a long time.

• 1/12/20