I just love the naivety and curiosity of kids! They just don’t run out of startling questions and ideas.

Earlier on, this evening we decided to go to a county park to play instead of our neighborhood one. As we drove there, I don’t know if it had anything to do with the music or something said on air but suddenly, Agbenu asked:

“Dad, how did your sisters die? I don’t mean to make you sad but I’m just curious.”

Me: “Oh, no mama, I’m not upset. It’s ok that you asked. They died in car accidents.”

Agbenu: “Both of them?” 😮

Me: “Yes. Tell me, what made you asked.”

Agbenu: “I don’t know, I just wanted to know.”

Me: “Oh ok.” (Don’t push it, I thought to myself.)

Agbenu: “So they’re in heaven?”

Me: “Yes.”

Agbenu: “That means they’re our guardian angels and are watching over us?”

Oche: “Well, I think they’re saints not angels because angels are not people.”

To say that I was blown away by Oche’s explanation would be an understatement. It was such a relief for me that Oche provided just the right answer as well as a ministration to my spirit.

Me: “Oche, thank you for that. Mama, it’s also very nice of you to think of them that way.”

Oche & Agbenu: “You’re welcome.”

Me: “Yes, they are saints and are always praying for us. Our family and friends also think of them and pray for them in their prayers. Not just the two of them but my brothers also. Remember, I told you guys about them.”

Agbenu: “Oh yeah.”

Oche: “Yes, I was named after your brother, John.”

Me: “Exactly.”

Agbenu: “You do miss them very much, right?”

Me: “Yes, I really, really do.”

Agbenu: “So what do you do when you miss them?”

Me: “I think happy thoughts about them and I remember all the fun we had together. I also pray for them. I and Aunt Enuwa, especially, talk to each other whenever we miss them, and it makes us feel better.”

Oche: “May they rest in peace.”

All: “Amen!”

A brief silence followed which was broken by our immediate arrival at the park. Phew!!! Thank God as we switched instantly to play mood.

It was interesting to note that they are beginning to embrace the concept of human mortality. By doing, so I’m hoping that it will help to fine-tune their values so as to focus on what’s appropriate and important in life.

How time flies indeed! I recall that a few years ago a close family friend, whom our kids were extremely fond of had a terminal illness but they didn’t know that she was dying. She was so close to us that we spent a part of our Christmas day of that year with her and her family in the hospital. After she passed Sweetheart and I couldn’t break the news to our children. Why?

• We didn’t know how to
• We thought they were too young to be exposed to the knowledge of losing a close person or even to the concept of death.

So we thought they should be protected from psychological trauma by withholding the news of our friend’s passing. Due to the affection developed over the period we knew her, Ofu even composed a special song and always sang it to her. Something he carried on with for a long time after her death (I guess whenever he thought of her). Therefore, we told them that she was on a long rest in the hospital. Our default answer to their follow up questions was “she’s still resting in the hospital.” When it became obvious that her family had accepted her death, and began life anew, our default answer didn’t sound convincing anymore, so we eventually told them that she went to be with Jesus. Of course, they grieved but weren’t crushed and accepted appropriately as well as sooner than we had thought.

In retrospect, I don’t know what we (Sweetheart and I) thought we were doing back then.

• Were we performing our parental role of protecting our children?
• Were we shielding them from the pains of life?
• If so, was that a realistic expectation to have of ourselves?
• Were we soothing our fears?

The truth is life happens and there’s so much that we have control over. So rather than choosing to prevent them from being exposed to the effects of the valleys of life, we should be teaching them the effective coping skills of leaning into the source of their spiritual strengths, tapping into their support systems, and other available resources.

Therefore, to have evolved from that mindset of fear death to the open discussion we just had about it is a beautifully giant stride, I’d say.

…shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.

Job 2: 10.

• 1/6/19