We just returned from Agbenu’s basketball game. She went into her room and changed from her uniform. She was wrapped in her towel, carrying her laundry basket, and heading down.

“Excuse me,” she repeatedly asked John and Ofu, who adamantly played mischief and blocked her from descending the steps. Obviously, she was tired, gave up, and just stood watching.

In a firm voice, I said, “Can you get out of her way? She’s been asking you to allow her to pass. Can’t you see that she is tired and not in the mood for play?”

As they sluggishly got out of her way to their room, Agbenu made her way down and said, “Thank You, Daddy.”

I looked at her and nodded in affirmation. It was intentional, so it does not seem like I’m rubbing it in.

Soon after, Ofu came and met me in my bedroom and said, “Dad, I’d like to talk to you about how you spoke to John and me at the steps just now.”

Me: “Sure.”

Ofu: “You know – after you told us to get out Mama’s way, I went with John to his room, and I saw that his face was sad. I asked him, and he said he was fine, but I know he felt hurt. I think your voice was too harsh.”

“Come here,” I said gently; he did, and I hugged him.

Me “You know – I’m so proud of you for always being kind and looking out for your siblings and others. I hope they will remember to do the same for you when you feel sad.”

He smiled gently and said, “Thanks.”

“What about you?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” He asked for clarification.

Me: “How do you feel?”

Ofu: “I felt hurt too, but I’m OK.”

Me: “I’m sorry that you and John feel hurt. I also like that you came to talk to me about it. I want you to keep doing so. See – I had to speak in a firm tone because the play was getting out of hand. Mama was carrying her laundry basket and had asked you guys to excuse her many times, but you continued with the play. She was tired and getting frustrated. That’s why I stepped in and spoke the way I did. Remember, she was in a towel; what if it gave way while standing and carrying her basket as you and John played on? Would that be nice?”

“No,” He replied.

Me: “Good. As guys, we should be helping ladies, but if we can’t help them, let’s not be in their way. See, Mom just finished washing the paint brushes from John’s Eagle Scout Project. I could have washed them, but since I didn’t, I didn’t bother her and cleaned up the area after she finished. See?”

Ofu: “Yeah.”

Me: “I know that the three of you play a lot together, and that is good. I want you guys to continue. But I want you to know when others are not in a play mood or when it is inappropriate to play. And this is not just for home but in school and other places because this is why one can get into trouble because of a simple play. OK?”

Ofu: “OK.”

Me: “Again, I’m happy that you came to talk to me about it. Thank you.”

Ofu: “You’re welcome. Will you write a story about this in Dairy of Fatherhood?”

I smiled and said, “If you want me to. Would you like me to write a story about it?”

Ofu: “Yes.”

Me: “Deal!”

We hugged, and he left. John popped in while Ofu and I were talking and left. He returned to call my attention to something else after Ofu left my room. After he did, I said:

“I don’t know if you listened, but Ofu came to advocate for you because he felt you were hurt by how I spoke to you about the situation with Mama on the steps.” I summarized my conversation with Ofu. He didn’t say a word but appeared remorseful.

I tried to avoid lecturing too much, but sometimes I can’t help it! That is what fleshes up my stories. And right now, it’s all I have to help reset the mindset of boys (he laughs). There was a lesson for each of us. Ofu maintained kindness and advocacy. John was remorseful. Agbenu felt protected. It reminded me to keep calm when under pressure. Finally, Ofu will be delighted to have inspired this story.

• 8/13/23