Agbenu: “Dad, the game room toilet is clogged, it won’t flush.”

Oche: “Ew!!!”

Me: “Oche, don’t say that. Mama, it’s not clogged, I turned off the water because something is messed up and the water won’t stop running when the tank fills up. I’m sorry, it’s my fault I should have told everyone.

Agbenu: “It’s ok.”

Me: “I’ve already called the plumber and he’ll be here to fix it in the afternoon.”

Agbenu: “So, what are we going to do?”

Me: “I’ll take care of it.”

Agbenu: “How are you going to do that?”

Me: “I’ll just get a bucket, fill it up with water and flush it down.”

Agbenu: “I’m sorry, dad.”

Me: “It’s ok, mama, it’s not your fault but mine like I said, I failed to tell everyone not use that toilet after I turned off the water. I take it like how I would change your dirty diaper as a baby and you’re still my baby so I got you.” (Smiling ☺)

Agbenu: “Thanks, dad.” (Smiles back ☺ and hugs me)

Me: “You’re welcome. Come on Oche, let’s take care of this.”

He followed me at distance and stood by the toilet door as I took care of things. Agbenu also watched from behind. After I washed my hands, I threw my arm across his shoulder, drew him close and said:

“Done! That was easy-peasy! Ok, mama, Oche and I need to have a boys’ talk, you can go now.”

Agbenu: “Ok, bye.”

Me: “See, I the reason I asked you to come is that I would like to tell you something that will help you.”

Oche: “Ok.”

Me: “Remember how I always say you and I are the men of the house?”

Oche: “Mm-hmm.”

Me: “A part of our job is to solve problems and sometimes solving problems mean cleaning up the mess even if we don’t cause it. Although, in this case, I take responsibility for it because I turned off the water without telling everyone and it could have happened to anyone. If she knew that water didn’t run here she would have used a different restroom. Next time, I’ll make sure to tell everyone not to use anything that we shut down for repair. See what I mean?”

Oche: “Yeah.”

Me: “Good. The other thing is for us to remember that when someone feels embarrassed, we do not worsen their situation by saying ‘ew’ or making jests. We all have nasty stuff right?” (Smiled☺)

Oche: “Yeah.” (Smiled ☺back then looked away)

Me: “Won’t we like to be treated with respect if we were to be in their situation?”

Oche: “Yeah.”

Me: “So you get what I mean.”

Oche: “Yeah.”

Me: “Good.” (Smile )

As I reflected on the encounter, I gained the following insights.

First, I recalled gap 4 – the communications gap, one of the causes of service failure as described in the Gaps Model of Service Quality. It focuses on unmet customer expectations when communications about the service do not equal its delivery. So if I had communicated that the game room toilet was shut down for repairs it wouldn’t have been used, they know to use another one. In summary, this was completely avoidable with communications.

Secondly, it allowed me to use a tangible illustration to explain to my son, that true leadership is hinged on selfless and sacrificial service.

Thirdly, it was an opportunity to model the kind of leader that I am encouraging him to become: basically, practicing the principle of practice what one preaches.

So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 

Matthew 23: 3.

I recall my father’s active years as a structural and water engineer. I remember how he used his expertise to manage our septic tanks. He had a hands-on approach whenever the tanks had problems or needed maintenance. He carried me and my younger ones along with his workmen. In the process, he’d explain the different chambers of the septic tank, their functions and the cycle of processes that took place. For me, what I observed in my father was a model of hands-on leadership, by his direct involvement in managing our domestic waste. That’s the type of leadership that I’m handing down to my son. It is called servant leadership.

Well, it didn’t take a long time for Oche to take ownership and apply the learning.

He, Agbenu and Ofu spent the next two days with my brother’s family. Upon my return from work last night they had returned and were already asleep. I didn’t have to be out early today and so they woke up to my presence at home this morning. After we greeted and shared our happiness to be all home together again Oche said:

“Dad, I’d like to show you something in the garage. It’s a surprise and I need you to close your eyes, I’ll lead you.”

Me: “Ok.” With eyes closed, I gave him my hand and he led me to our garage.

Oche: “Now, open your eyes.”

Me: “Wow! What happened here?”

Oche: “You know, after you took care of the game room toilet the other day, I kept thinking 💭 about your saying a part of our job as men, is to clean up the mess…”

Me: “Right…(smiling ☺ and nodding my head).

Oche: “It’s been a while since our garage was arranged, so I decided to fix it when we got back from Uncle Ode’s house yesterday. I did it all by myself. Mom wanted to help but I told her that I got this.” (Smiling ☺)

Me: “Come here!” (We hugged) “That’s what I’m talking about! Thank you. I’m proud of you!”

Oche: “Thanks, dad. And guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Oche: “While we were at Uncle Ode’s house, Adah (his cousin) and I also fixed their garage and Aunt Iveh was very happy.”

Me: “I’m sure she was and I’m sure Uncle Ode will be happy too when returns. Good job, I’m proud of you guys! So, how does this make you feel?”

Oche: “Useful.”

Me: “Exactly! When we lead and take care of our people, we become useful to them and ourselves. We also become accomplished, meaning we become what we’re meant to be. One more thing, it pays off with time. Good job, son.”

Oche: “Thanks, dad.”

Lesson impactful! ☺

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

Mark 9: 35.

• 7/11/19