So, when your child tells you that they have a problem, what is your first natural response? If I’m correct, it is to swoop on the problem and help them fix it. Right?

Well, recently, I was caught up in the same mindset. John is the president of a youth club, where he commands the respect of members and adult leaders.

He told me about an ongoing communications challenge that his club was facing and how they have been handling it. As he spoke, I was formulating a solution in my brain. After I heard his story, I proffered it. In my mind, I responded with a parental instinct to solve the problem while sounding like an adviser to a president.

As soon as I laid out my “well-thought-out” plan, he said, “Dad, we are not in a good place right now.” Then he told me that they are managing this problem as best as possible. He said the club was facing bigger problems; and that if he was to approach this problem from my perspective, it might put the club in a worse situation than they are right now.

Me: “What an awesome leader you are becoming! See, I didn’t see it from your perspective, and you are correct. I take my suggestion back.”

He smiled and said, “thanks, dad.”

Me: “Sure! You have it under control.”

He nodded and said, “yeah, I was just giving you an update.”

Me: “Thank you. As you grow into an adult, you will find similar challenges as a man, husband, and father; in your career and other relationships. I won’t add to anything that you are doing. Just keep at it, and you will only get better.”

John: “Thanks, dad.”

As we parted, I wondered how we, parents, can easily stifle our children’s initiative with our overbearing interventions. What if I had just asked what they were doing about it and only listened? I’m sure John would have gladly laid it out to me. I’m glad that he asserted himself by standing on my fatherhood philosophies of creating a safe environment, intentional listening, and dialogue. Since then, the quality of conversations we have had around leadership themes has even improved. I hope that my response becomes a model to help his humility and respect for the opinions and choices of others, which I pray he pays forward.

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 16:32.

• 2/18/21