This is a pillar post!

Awakened by the approach of a person. I thought it was Sweetheart returning from a restroom break. Then I felt the light tap on my legs. It was Agbenu.

“Dad,” she said, “my stomach hurts.”

I sat up and helped her to bed, propped her up between me and Sweetheart. I looked at the time, it was slightly past 3 am. I said some comfort words and began to sleep.

After a while, she tapped me awake and said:

“Dad, my stomach is starting to hurt really bad.”

At this, all sleep cleared up.

Me: “I’m sorry Mama, let me get you some pain medicine.”

I got out of bed quickly and hurried to our medicine cabinet in the kitchen and got her a dose of children’s Tylenol.

Agbenu: “Thanks, Dad.”

Me: “You’re welcome. This will help you feel better soon ok. Now, try and get some rest, ok. Sleep. I’m going to get a drink.”

I was having a drink in the kitchen when I heard a hurried shuffle from our bedroom to our bathroom. I rushed back in to find that Sweetheart had assisted Agbenu to the bathroom. She had projectile vomiting!

I took over from Sweetheart as she went to gather cleaning supplies and a clean set of PJs. I gave her a gentle back rub and assisted her into the bathtub, then took off her soiled clothing. As I assisted her with a bath she said:

“Thanks, mom, thanks, dad. I’m so sorry.”

Me: “It’s ok.”

Sweetheart: “We just want you to get well.”

Agbenu: “I think it’s because I ate late before going to bed last night.

Me: “What did you eat?”

Agbenu: “Cheerios with lots of milk.”

Mom: “Yeah, and that’s what you threw up.”

Bath and cleaning up completed, we went back to bed but before daybreak, she had another episode.

Oche had to join his scout troop for a weekend campout so after I dropped him off at between 7-7:30amish I dashed through Wal-Mart and bought Gatorade to help her with fluids and electrolytes replenishment.

However, she was unable to keep down the Gatorade as the vomiting continued. By 1 pm, she’d thrown up about 5 times since onset. We decided to take her to urgent care because weakness had set in and dehydration was eminent.

At the urgent care, several tests were done and possible causes were ruled out. During the wait, she overheard me and one of the staff discussing midlife issues. Immediately the staff walked out of our room she asked:

“Dad, what did you want to become as a child?”

Me: “I thought you were asleep, I didn’t know that you were listening to my conversation with the lady.”

Agbenu: (Looked at me with mustered energy and smiled) “I’m just tired and sleepy but I can hear everything. So tell me, I wanna know.”

Me: “I wanted to become an actor. I enjoyed dancing and acting. I was always in the acting club in all the schools that I attended. I also appeared in a children’s TV program when I was in 3rd or 4th grade.”

Agbenu: “Wow! Why didn’t you become an actor? I’m sure you would have been a good actor. You’re so confident in the way do your science demos in our school.”

Me: Thank you, mama. There were so many reasons. See, the school system works differently in Nigeria than it works here. How it works is that if you passed more science subjects at the end of your middle school then you will be placed in science classes in high schools. But if you passed more arts subjects at the end of your middle school then you will be placed in arts classes in high schools. Then you will remain permanently in the sciences or arts, and that will make you choose to study either a science or arts profession in the university even if you didn’t enjoy or want it. I was in the sciences and so I couldn’t choose to study acting, which is an arts profession. Over here, you’re not limited to science or arts. If you want any profession, you just enroll for the classes that will make you educated in it, and as long as you are passing the classes then you’re making progress until you complete. The other thing is, back then, certain careers had more opportunities than the others, and success in life was tied only to your career. So we all scrambled to study those careers with opportunities even when we were not interested or gifted in them. So, if you were interested or gifted in those careers without opportunities, most of us couldn’t say so because we wouldn’t have been supported. That was the reality of our time back then. I also wanted to become an architect (i.e. those who design buildings) but I couldn’t get the passing math grade for the intake. So I ended up studying agriculture because it didn’t require a high math grade as architecture. And guess what?”

Agbenu: “What?”

Me: “I probably did more math in my first year in college as an agricultural student than I could have done in architecture.”

Agbenu: “Oh wow! I’m sure you would have been a good actor or an architect. Were there no career days where you could have talked to someone like we do?”

Me: “No, we didn’t have that.”

Agbenu: “Awww, I’m sorry, dad.”

Me: “Thanks mama but I’m just fine. God blessed me with other gifts that I’m enjoying now, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out. I’m also still using my acting skills, like when I do my science demos.”

Agbenu: “Oh yeah, and a lot of my classmates say they like the way you do your demos and wished that you’ll become our science teacher. Remember all the thank you cards.”

Then she sighed.

Me: “Are you ok?”

Agbenu: “I just wish this tiredness and Tommy ache would go away.”

Me: “Me too. Will thinking happy thoughts help while we wait for the doctor?”

Agbenu: “Let’s try.”

Shortly afterward, the doctor saw us. Several tests were conducted and possible diagnoses were ruled out, except for the unspecified tenderness to palpation observed in her right lower abdomen. Appendicitis was suspected but urgent care centers are not equipped to perform ultrasound procedures, so we were referred to the Texas Children’s Hospital, and off we went to the ER (Emergency Room).

By the time we arrived at the ER, she was very weak and I carried her from the parking into the waiting area. She was triaged and an initial ultrasound was performed. The results were inconclusive because her bladder was empty from dehydration. An IV infusion of fluids was ordered for rehydration and enhance better bladder visibility during the ultrasound. However, no room was immediately available so we’re placed on what seemed like the longest hold. We were both hungry. We were advised that she does not eat yet. Tired from hunger and waiting, we slept off on our chairs. I woke up a few times to her groans and ensured her comfort by adjusting her position and leaning her on my shoulder. Finally, when a room became available and we were called, I woke up disoriented. In the confusion, I wondered how I was going to find my way in this “strange land” 😀 I was still jetlagged having returned home just two days ago.

Once in her room, we waited for another spell of time before she was seen by the doctor. More blood works were done and the IV was finally started. She was instructed to hold her urine until breaking point before returning for the second ultrasound. By the time the IV was complete, and I called for her nurse, Agbenu got increasingly pressed for urination as we waited for another period for the IV line to be discontinued. Then we waited some more to be transported to the radiology department. By the time we got there, she was already very pressed and I had exhausted all the comfort measures and distraction techniques that I knew and I prayed for a miracle of endurance so we don’t repeat the cycle if she should let go.

Finally, the ultrasound began, her bladder was filled to the brim, and the technician was excited about the images been produced. Meanwhile, I continued to comfort and distract her as tears began to roll down her face. Halfway through, she could no longer hold it so the procedure was stopped and I quickly assisted her to the bathroom. In the end, she was too weak to perform self-care so I assisted her. With tears in her eyes she said:

“Dad, I’ve never been so sick and I’m so embarrassed. Thank you so much, daddy, you’re the best and I love you so much.”

Me: “Shhh! This is a very special moment that we’ll cherish forever. I’m just doing my job as your father. You’ll always be my baby. I love you too.”

When we returned to continue with the ultrasound, her bladder was empty and shrunken without clear visibility. She was offered two cans of drink, then we were back to another round of waiting. After several checks, her bladder was full and visible again, and ultrasound was finally completed.

We went back to her room and waited to see her doctor for an interpretation of the results. Meanwhile, we ordered meals and began to gobble up. This bout of waiting was more relaxing as we ate, watched TV and Agbenu played with the toys that she was given.

Finally, her doctor returned at about 1:30 am (now the following morning). All results were negative and we were discharged. Yes! Yes!!

As we drove back and listened to KSBJ (our local gospel radio station), MercyMe’s “Best News Ever” came on the air. Then Agbenu said:

“This is the song that made me come to your room last night when I felt sick.”

Me: “Really?” (Surprised and anxious to know the connection)

Agbenu: “Yeah, I’ll tell you the exact part when it comes…”

Then we listened silently until she said “here.”

It went thus “🎵…Some say, “Don’t ask for help…God helps the ones who help themselves…🎵”

Let me give you a background on why Agbenu would be listening to the radio in the middle of the night. Her bedroom radio plays throughout the night and it’s tuned to KSBJ, to create an atmosphere conducive to Holy Spirit, which will, in turn, stimulate “happy thoughts and sweet dreams” as we encourage at bedtime in our family. So that’s how she ended up listening to the song around 3 am the previous night.

Agbenu: “When I fell sick, I prayed then waited to get well. Also, I didn’t want to wake you and mom up because I knew you will wake up early to prepare and drop Oche off for his scout camping trip. Then, when I heard ‘God helps the ones who help themselves’ and I still wasn’t feeling better, that was when I came to you and mom. So that’s how the song helped me last night.”

Me: “Hmmm, Mama! I’m so happy for you that I don’t know what to tell you. You’re so considerate and you’re applying everything that you’re learning. I’m sure God is very happy with you too. Now, there is another part of the song that gives a different meaning to the part that helped you but for now, let’s stick with the part that helped you. Ok?”

Agbenu: “Ok, dad.”

Me: “I agree with you. In everything we do, God has His role to play and we have our roles to play. When we pray for our needs, we are telling God that we trust Him to take care of us and to provide our needs. Then we get up and start doing something to make it happen, which was what you did. You fell ill, you prayed for healing, you came and told us, we went to the hospital, you got treated and now you’re well. That’s how God answered your prayer. See, God, gave us brains so we can make good choices and act on them. That’s why you pray and study hard, and your results speak for themselves. Another one is you like singing but you practiced, went for auditions and then got selected for last Christmas’ concert, and hopefully this year you’ll get to do a solo performance. So you see how God answers your prayers when you also do something about it? Oh! I just remembered another one.”

Agbenu: “Which one?”

Me: “You and Isabelle’s lemonade stand.”

Agbenu: “Oh yeah! I prayed all summer for it, so we can help the children who can’t afford school supplies and it turned out well.”

Me: Yep! You prayed for it and you prepared it, then it happened. I’m so happy that you truly know what it means by ‘God helps the ones who help themselves’. Just keep at it, ok?”

Agbenu: “Thanks daddy for everything. I love you much.”

Me: “You’re welcome, My Only One and I love you too. You’re a very smart kid!”

Agbenu: “Thanks, daddy.”

Me: “Even though today, or yesterday into today began very rough for us and you were sick for the most part, it was still beautiful. We spent a special time together and had lots of good talks.”

Agbenu: “Mmhmm. Are you going to write a story about it?”

Me: “Yes, I can’t wait and I’m sure it will be a beautiful story.”

Agbenu: “I think so too.”

As we drove on, I couldn’t help but marvel at God’s mysterious ways of working. How could anyone have linked the title of this post to this end? I’m impressed with my daughter, Agbenu, who at less than 10 years is already linking the spiritual with the physical, obtaining spiritual guidance and understanding. This shared moment of vulnerability presented us with the gift of deeper connection as father and daughter.

Now, going back to the song: after the striking line “God helps the ones who help themselves…” it continues with

“…Press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind
Some say, “He’s keeping score”
So try hard, then try a little more
Hold up, if this were true
Explain to me, what the cross is for
What if I were the one to tell you
That the fight’s already been won…”

If I had peeled it further beyond the line that motivated her, it probably would have confused her and sent a conflicting message. I think the song is saying don’t struggle because the victory is already yours by grace. However, that may be misunderstood as just praying without making any effort or doing the necessary work. For now, her faith is sufficient for her level and God knows how to meet her there!

Ok! See why I called this a pillar post at the onset?

• 10/20/19