Recently, I had a breakout of pimples, and while I was treating my face, Oche come into my bathroom and we had an interesting conversation.

Oche: “Dad, I thought only people who are going through puberty have pimples. Why do you have them?”

Me: “I get what you mean. Actually, pimples start with puberty, and after puberty, some people stop having them. Some people, like me, continue to have them occasionally way into adulthood. That’s why I have all these creams to treat them with when they appear.”

Oche: “Oh ok.”

Me: “So tell me all that you know about puberty.”

Oche: He gave a satisfactory description of the anatomical and physiological changes that occur in puberty, and willingly showed me some evidence. (Details sparred)

Me: “Impressive! So how did you learn all that?”

Oche: “Oh yeah, remember, the time you signed permission for me to attend the class in 5th grade?”

Me: Nodded with recollection.

Oche: “Someone did a presentation for boys separately, and they did another for girls only.”

Me: “I’m glad that you know this.”

Later on, I shared our discussion with Sweetheart, to which she said they had a similar discussion earlier, and that he freely showed her his budding physical changes.

The next day, I was working with my laptop, and he came around, threw his arm over my shoulders and asked: “what are you working on, dad?” As I explained what I was doing, I perceived the smell of apocrine sweat from his armpit.

Me: “I’d like to show something. Can you try and smell your armpit?” (He did). “Did you smell a strange odor?” (He nodded gently). “Did you use your roll on today?” (He shook his head feeling sort of embarrassed. Then I threw my arm around his waist, drew him closer, and said) “I don’t mean to embarrass you, I’m just trying to show you something that you can learn from. Remember how we talked about puberty yesterday?

Oche: “Yes.”

Me: “See, when you go through puberty, and into adulthood your body produces a special kind of sweat called apocrine sweat, in the armpit, and private areas. The sweat is sticky and becomes smelly when the bugs that grow in those areas break down what’s in it. (His eyes popped out in surprise 🙁). Yes, we all have good bugs on and inside our bodies. That’s normal and good. Ok? (He nodded with relaxation). They help to fight the bad bugs that can make us sick. Here, let me show you so you don’t think I’m making this up (I pulled up apocrine sweat on my laptop, and as we read through, he began to nod repeatedly). See, I didn’t make that up. So, remember that you’re very active, and an athlete: that means sweating a lot, which meanings more apocrine sweat with the strong smell. It means washing really good, and regularly using your body spray, roll-on, and perfume (thank God, Sweetheart ❤ introduced them to him once he turned 10). It will keep the strong smell away from your armpit sweat, and you will feel good. Also, you don’t want to give bullies something to pick you up on. Mom and I use ours regularly too. Remember, everyone going through puberty and all adults produce apocrine sweat with a strong smell. We just take care of ourselves to manage it. Now, go and freshen up.” (I smiled 😊 and patted him on his back)

Oche: “Thanks, dad.” (Runs off to do so)

Phew!!! Hopefully, we won’t have this discussion anymore because I believe the ownership of the responsibilities for his personal hygiene has been transferred to him with full rationales. He now knows that he owes himself that responsibility as a matter of personal necessity, and not because mom and dad say so. That leaves us with more of oversight functions and less of direct interventions. We just have to stay engaged and continue to dialogue with our kids. It just feels so fulfilling to be making progress in the engagement without the factor of shame.

That was all exhausting, but well worth it! It’s all towards meeting the standard we’ve been given.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22: 6.

Amen!

• 9/23/18