Are you unsettled by that question like I was?

Well, this morning, as we were getting ready for school, Sweetheart was listening to a testimony of a breast cancer survivor.

Suddenly, Ofu asked:

“Mom, what is breast cancer again?”

Sweetheart: “We talked about it already.”

Ofu: “Yes, but I can’t remember and I wanna know.”

Sweetheart: “Well, I don’t know. Ask dad.”

Ofu: “Dad, what is breast cancer?”

Me: “It’s a lump in the breast. Do you know what a lump is?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “Ok. Do you know what a growth is?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “Have you heard the word cell? Have you learned about cells in science yet?”

Ofu: “No.”

Time to get creative. The probe questions gave me some time to think.

Me: “Ok. Breast cancer is a special kind of swelling in the breast. It can take over the whole breast and spread to other parts of the body. It makes women very sick.”

Ofu: “That’s not good.”

Me: “Yeah. So what made you ask?”

Ofu: “Nothing. I just wanna know because mom’s been listening to women who said they had breast cancer.”

Me: It’s so nice of you to pay that attention and to ask questions. It shows that you care. Right?”

Ofu: “Yeah.”

Me: “Awesome! Keep asking questions.”

Ofu: “Ok.” Then goes to the kitchen for breakfast.

As he went, Sweetheart and I made eye contact and smiled. Ofu cherishes being cuddled, and he especially enjoys mom’s bosom. So we weren’t sure if his concern also had a touch of “personal interest.” However, we didn’t tease him, to encourage his openness and prevent his withdrawal. It is also important that he remains empathetic and, it must be encouraged by all means.

Again, this is another testimony of the open conversation in our family. It is safe to ask any question without fear of ridicule.

As for me, my children’s and indeed all kids’ questions, especially the unsettling ones, keep me on the alert and help me to ensure that I’m communicating at their levels of understanding.

In this case, gentle questioning and listening for clarification eventually helped me substitute swelling for lump or growth in defining breast cancer for Ofu. I believe that, that is a satisfactory answer for his level of comprehension. He’s enlightened but not overloaded with information.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

James 1:5.

• 10/13/20