This one is about one of the many times that I blew a parenting opportunity. So, I hope you will extend some grace to me.

Once again, it involves Ofu, my strong-willed child. He left his plate and cup on the dining table after lunch to go and play on his device. When I noticed them, I said, “Ofu, can you clean up after yourself and put away your plate and cup?”

He just flared up and threw a fit. It was like from zero to a hundred in a split moment. Honestly, it was very stressful, and I felt very helpless about what to do. So, I said,

“Ofu, I am so stressed by your behavior, and now I’m ready to visit a counselor to help me. That’s why I’m not hugging you as much.”

As soon as I blurted it out, John looked at me shockingly. Ofu’s fit spiraled into a crying and yelling spell. I knew that I blew it but walked away. For the next three days, I noticed that he withdrew from me. He was ashamed more than remorseful, and I believed I wasn’t approachable to him. Gradually, we started hugging, but it wasn’t as intimate.

Ofu’s main love language is touch, and I realized that he was not feeling much loved by me. Also, I believe my treatment communicated a conditional love for him, a love that depended on performance. Parental love is supposed to be the most unconditional love.

To worsen the situation, his older siblings, John and Agbenu, were on a mission trip, so Ofu was alone at home with Sweetheart and me. By the third day, I had to make amends. Yes, it took me three days to de-stress!

Me: “Son, I’m sorry about what I said to you the other day.”

Ofu: “What?”

Me: “…that I said, I’m not hugging you as much. Remember?”

Ofu: “I don’t remember.”

What? I thought to myself. He had to be either pretending or was displaying the forgiving heart of a child.

Me: “You don’t?”

Ofu: “No.”

Me: “I’m so happy that you don’t remember. I love you so much and want you to feel free to hug me again like you used to do.”

Ofu: “I love you too, dad.”

Then we hugged, and he just went back to play. What a powerful reminder of Jesus’ admonition!

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:3.

When John returned that evening, I also apologized to him.

John: “That’s ok. I wanted to tell you at that time, but I felt it wouldn’t help then, so I let it be until we get a chance to talk about it.”

Me: “Thank you! You know that you can always talk to me about anything, even if you have to correct me.”

John: “Thanks, Dad. Yeah, it just wasn’t right at that moment, and then we left for A1:8 Mission in the evening.”

I have to figure a way to remind myself of what I tell other parents who share their parenting challenges with me. I always encourage them not to curse their children, no matter how much their children push their buttons. Certain utterances leave lasting injuries.

So, I pray for a godly response when faced with these situations. Furthermore, I pray to release my anger, let it drain out of me, and see the situation as an opportunity for growth and transformation instead of blowing up in anger. I ask God to help me be my best in challenging parenting situations. Friend, I pray the same for you too.

A lot of people have told me that they are inspired by my parenting stories. Such feedbacks are always uplifting. But, as I have always said, I am not a parenting expert but an authority in my experience. I do not intend to portray perfection but the regular, good, and not-so-good aspects of my fatherhood journey. When I blow it up, my goal is that I will work to recover the relationship and learn from my errors.

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 12:18.

• 3/13/22