Whenever we say our prayers at bedtime, and the children retire to their rooms, it does take a little while for them to shut down and sleep. However, Ofu who is not a morning person takes even a longer time. (Click here for the post “Dad, I’m Just Not A Morning Person…”) Usually, he’ll come back downstairs to report a quarrel between him and one of his siblings; to say he’s thirsty or hungry. Sometimes, we tell him he is interrupting mommy and daddy’s time, and to hurry up and return to bed. Often, he has a different plan in mind…

This night he came down and said:

“Oche punched me on the face and I’m hurting really bad.”

Sweetheart: “Sorry, come and get a kiss then you’d be ok.”

Ofu: “But, I’ll still be hurting.”

Me: “Ok. I’ll give you pain medicine then you can go back.”

Ofu: “But I don’t want to sleep with Oche.”

Me: “Then go and sleep in Mama’s room or the guest room.”

Ofu: “No, I don’t want to sleep alone.”

Me: “Why?”

Ofu: “Because I’ll get a nightmare.”

Me: “Who told you that?”

Ofu: “You can get a nightmare when you sleep alone.”

Me: “Ok, go and lie down and think happy thoughts.”

Ofu: “But dad, I don’t want to sleep alone.”

Me: “Then what are you going to do?”

He was silent and rocked back and forth.

Me: “I don’t know what else to tell you. You can sleep in the living room if you like.”

As I began to walk away, he said:

“There’s one option left.”

Me: “What option?”

Ofu: “Your room.” (Pointing in the direction)

He wants to sleep in our bedroom! I knew all along that, that’s where he was headed but I wanted to see what new tactics he was going to employ. He does this now and then.

Sweetheart and I made eye contacts, we were both tickled but held our laughter. I raised an eyebrow to seek her approval for him to sleep with us, to which she agreed by winking at me. So I agreed that he can sleep with us. Then he bolted to our bedroom as if to secure his victory in case I changed my mind. I tiptoed behind him and peeked into our bedroom and saw that he had quickly folded himself like a cat under the comforter in the middle of the bed. I turned on the light and he looked up.

Me: “Do you like it?”

Ofu: “Yes.” (Nodding his head)

Me: “Goodnight.”

Ofu: “Goodnight dad.”

I turned off the light, closed the door and went back to Sweetheart in the kitchen where we laughed it off.

Now, to some people, this episode may have seemed like enablement, and to others, not so. Here’s the thing. Sweetheart and I didn’t have any big plans for tonight, anyway. We were already tired, drinking our tea and getting ready to retire. So why not give him the night? It’s a win-win!

The other thing is that I pick and choose my fights. So I ask the question: Was that a display of last born syndrome or was Ofu seeking attention inappropriately? I believe it was the last born syndrome on display, which has its advantages too. When I peeled off the facade, what I saw was Ofu seeking some affection, which he gets from, for instance, being cuddled or raised to sit on my shoulders. So understanding his personality helps me to look beyond his style of request which I thought was cute too – “there’s one option left.” I will be completely insensitive to refuse. Eventually, we were able to figure out what he was asking for.

However, sometimes he tries to get his way inappropriately and he manipulates including throwing a feat. When that is the case, we stand our ground and let him cry out his frustration, and after exhaustion, he’ll gladly go back to bed in his room. So it’s a case-by-case situation.

Now, this is not meant to paint a picture of perfect parenting but a picture of my journey as a father, and how I handled this situation. That’s my journal for today

• 11/26/19