Someone was once asked why they never attend their child’s award ceremonies in school. They dismissed it as trivial. Their child, who is a gifted student has only been cheered for by his teachers and other students in his many award ceremonies. I imagined the child looking through the crowd in the successive awards if the one might be that in which they will see their parent cheering them up enthusiastically but to no avail.

When the person told me how they’ve been pestered by their child’s teachers for their absence, I asked why. They said their parent never visited them in school, yet they turned out fine.

I asked if they were happy with their experience and if they wanted the same for their children. Again, they dismissed my question.

Hmm… “you can’t give what you don’t have,” I thought to myself. As I reflected on it, I began to raise the following questions.

1. Are you building a legacy on the heritage you received?
2. Are you wasting the heritage you received by not building a legacy on it?
3. Are you building a fresh legacy despite not receiving a heritage?
4. Are you not building a legacy because you didn’t receive a heritage, thus propagating the vicious cycle?

Here is a little background of my heritage. I remember as my father used to take me and my siblings to our community park in our subdivision, Lobi Quarters, Makurdi, Nigeria. As we walked from our home to the park, he taught us several motivational choruses. We sang along with him and we felt so free as if we were the only people in the world. I also remember our Sunday outings to the Makurdi Club where he treated us to sumptuous refreshments. Other early childhood memories with our father were visits to the Jos Zoo, where I ate suya (skewered beef) for the first time. It is slightly tougher than regularly cooked meat, but not as hard as beef jerky. Tasting it for the first time, its special seasoning and toughness made my imagination run wild and I asked my father if it was lion meat. We had a good laugh and he answered my question. Over the years, it was from being in his and Mama’s presence, that our curiosity led us to receive wisdom from them. My siblings and I have numerous pleasant childhood memories with our parents. From those memories, we developed some of the values that formed our guiding principles up into adulthood.

As a symbol of my appreciation, I compiled several of those memories into a tribute booklet for our parents. It was inspired by the legendary president of FamilyLife Today, Dennis Rainey. He is a champion of the Fifth Commandment and a driver of writing tributes to one’s parents while they are alive.

So, let’s go back to the four questions that I asked above. I can confidently answer “yes” to question 1. Here is why I chose number one. Our parents were intentional about their involvement in my life and the lives of my siblings. Intentional parenting is the heritage that I received from Papa and Mama. Now as a parent, I’m doing my best to build a legacy on my heritage of intentional parenting. I have developed and documented my fatherhood principles or fatherhood philosophies, which guide my involvement in the lives of my children. They are as follows:

1. Being present
2. Creating a safe environment
3. Intentional listening
4. Dialogue
5. Valuing relationships over performance
6. Being a provider

They are detailed as my fatherhood introductory email series.

Again, let’s go back to the four questions. Friend, which one is it for you? I pray that you will also answer yes to number one or three. If that is not the case, let me encourage you, it is never late to change the narrative of your story for the benefit of your children.

Please, understand that my emphasis not on excessive material provisions or waiting for special moments to happen but on making every moment with our children special as much as possible. For me and my children, these moments are found in our everyday mundane activities.

In the “American Anthem” by Norah Jones, there is one verse that stands out for me:

“The work and prayers of centuries have brought us to this day…What shall be our legacy? What will our children say?… Let me know in my heart… When my days are through… America… America… I gave my best to you.”

Friends, I pray and hope that when we look back at our lives, as parents we can also to our children “I gave my best to you.”

Let me leave you with this question to ponder:

What are you doing with your heritage or lack of it?

“A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children, but a sinner’s wealth is stored up for the righteous.”

Proverbs 13:22.

The most important inheritance is not physical wealth, but godly character and a good name. This can only happen from intentional parenting, not by accident. If it doesn’t come from a biological parent, it will come from a non-biological parent. 

• 11/8/20