While assisting my kids to get ready for school this morning, and as we chatted along my son began updating me about a new kid in his class who also rides on the same school bus with them. Then my daughter chipped in:

Agbenu: “Is he black, white or brown? Oh! That’s being racist!”

Oche: “No mama, that’s not being racist. It’s ok to describe somebody by their color. But when you use someone’s color to make fun of them or when you use your color to be proud over someone else’s color, then that’s being racist. Ok, he’s mixed.”

Agbenu: “Oh!”

Me: “Mama, you didn’t do wrong by asking about his color. So, don’t feel bad. Ok? (She nods in agreement). I’m also happy that you are thinking about other people’s feelings so you don’t say things that could hurt them.” (I gave her a thumbs up, and she gave me back). Oche, you did a great job of explaining to mama what not being a racist is and what being a racist is. That was very good! (I also gave him a thumbs up, and he gave me back). See, on TV we always hear people being described as white, black, Hispanic and so on. Also, when we fill out forms for schools, medical checkups, and other programs they usually ask about our race, which is our color. They also ask other questions like age, if we are males or females, whether we have jobs or not and so on. All that information is used to describe who we are like you said Oche. The fancy word for that is demographic information…”

Oche and Agbenu: “Demo…what?”😦

Me: “Demographic information, but don’t get caught up with trying to remember the name for now. That information can be used to describe the way we do things, and that’s called culture. Oche, remember the other day you had to describe the type of food we eat, at the scout meeting? (He nods). Now, they know you even more. So, guys here’s what I want to you remember: It’s ok to know people by their color. It’s not ok to treat people differently because of their color. Just be nice to everyone, and you will be happy! So, are we good?”

Oche and Agbenu: “Yes, dad.”

Me:👍

Oche and Agbenu: 👍

I’m glad we had this discussion. Isn’t home a safe place to discuss contentious issues? It sure is!

– 3/2/17